How do you ask a new partner about testing?

Asking a new partner about STI testing is a crucial step in establishing trust and ensuring the sexual health of both individuals. It can feel a bit awkward, but approaching the conversation with honesty, respect, and a focus on mutual well-being can make it easier. We at Moanr like using our app to start an open dialogue about STI testing and it is an easy icebreaker. “Do you have the app?” “Hey, I like keeping me and my partners safer and more informed around my sexual health. Do you use Moanr?” are some of our opening lines. When not using the app as an icebreaker, here are some other ways to bring up the topic:

Direct and Clear Approaches:

• "Hey, as we're becoming more intimate, I think it's important for both of us to know our STI status. Have you been tested recently?"

• "For my own peace of mind and to be responsible partners, I'd like to talk about getting tested for STIs. Would you be open to doing that together or sharing your recent results?"

• "Before we take things further sexually, I wanted to have an open conversation about our sexual health. Have you had an STI test recently, and would you be comfortable talking about it?"

Softer and More Gradual Approaches:

• "I'm really excited about where things are going between us. To make sure we're both comfortable and healthy, I think it would be a good idea to discuss STI testing. What are your thoughts on that?"

• "Sexual health is something I value, and I like to make sure I'm being responsible. Have you thought about getting tested for STIs in the past?" (This can lead into a discussion about their history and openness to future testing).

• "I was reading something about the importance of STI testing the other day, and it made me think that it's something we should discuss as we get closer."

Focusing on Mutual Responsibility:

• "For both of our health and safety, I think it's important that we're both aware of our STI status. Would you be willing to get tested?"

• "To be the best partners we can be, I think it's responsible to have open communication about sexual health, including STI testing. What are your thoughts on this?"

Sharing Your Own Experience First:

• "I got tested recently, and it gave me a lot of peace of mind. I was wondering if you've been tested, or if that's something you'd be open to doing?"

• "For me, knowing my STI status is part of being sexually responsible. I've been tested, and I'd feel more comfortable moving forward if we both knew our status."

Important Considerations When Asking:

• Timing: Choose a private and comfortable time to have this conversation, not in the heat of the moment or when you're distracted.

• Tone: Keep your tone calm, respectful, and non-judgmental. Frame it as a normal part of being sexually active and caring for each other.

• Be Prepared to Share: Be ready to share your own testing history and be open about your own willingness to get tested. This shows you're approaching it as a mutual act of responsibility.

• Listen to Their Response: Be prepared for various reactions. Your partner might be completely on board, hesitant, or even resistant. Listen to their concerns and try to address them calmly and with information.

• Respect Their Decision (While Maintaining Your Boundaries): While it's ideal for both partners to be tested, your partner has the right to make their own decisions. However, you also have the right to make decisions about your own sexual health and boundaries. If your partner is unwilling to get tested and that's important to you, you may need to reconsider the level of intimacy you're comfortable with.

• Offer Solutions: Suggest getting tested together at a clinic or providing resources for local testing centers. This shows you're proactive and supportive.

Having this conversation might feel a little vulnerable, but it demonstrates maturity, respect, and care for your partner and yourself. It's a fundamental aspect of building a healthy and honest sexual relationship. Asking a new partner about STI testing requires sensitivity and clear communication. Approaching the conversation with honesty and respect for both your health and theirs is key. Here are several ways to initiate this important discussion:

Direct Approaches:

• "As we're becoming more intimate, I think it's important for both of us to be aware of our STI status. Have you been tested recently?"

• "For my peace of mind and to ensure we're both being responsible about our health, I'd like to talk about STI testing. Would you be open to getting tested together or sharing your recent results?"

• "Before we take our physical intimacy further, I wanted to have an open conversation about sexual health. Have you had an STI test recently, and would you be comfortable discussing it?"

Gentle Approaches:

• "I'm really enjoying getting to know you, and as we become closer, I think it's a good idea for us to discuss STI testing to ensure we're both healthy and comfortable. What are your thoughts on that?"

• "Sexual health is something I value, and I like to be proactive about it. Have you considered getting tested for STIs in the past?" (This can lead to a discussion about their history and openness to future testing.)

• "I was reading about the importance of STI testing, and it made me think it's something we should discuss as we move forward."

Focusing on Mutual Responsibility:

• "For both our health and safety, I believe it's important that we're both aware of our STI status. Would you be willing to get tested?"

• "To be the best partners we can be, I think it's responsible to have open communication about sexual health, including STI testing. What are your thoughts on this?"

Sharing Your Experience First:

• "I recently got tested, and it gave me a lot of peace of mind. I was wondering if you've been tested, or if that's something you'd be open to doing?"

• "For me, knowing my STI status is part of being sexually responsible. I've been tested, and I'd feel more comfortable moving forward if we both knew our status."

Key Considerations for the Conversation:

• Timing: Choose a private and comfortable time to talk, not when you are about to be intimate or are distracted.

• Tone: Be calm, respectful, and non-judgmental. Frame it as a normal part of being sexually active and caring for each other.

• Be Prepared to Share: Be ready to share your own testing history and willingness to get tested. This shows it's a mutual act of responsibility.

• Listen to Their Response: Be prepared for various reactions. Your partner might be agreeable, hesitant, or resistant. Listen to their concerns and try to address them calmly with information.

• Respect Their Decision (While Maintaining Your Boundaries): While it's ideal for both partners to be tested, your partner has the right to decide. However, you also have the right to set boundaries for your own sexual health. If your partner is unwilling to get tested and this is important to you, you may need to reconsider the level of intimacy you are comfortable with.

• Offer Solutions: Suggest getting tested together at a clinic or provide information about local testing centers. This shows you are proactive and supportive.

Having this conversation can feel a bit awkward, but it's a sign of maturity, respect, and care for both your partner and yourself. It's a fundamental aspect of building a healthy and honest sexual relationship.

Our app is a great conversation starter to talk all things STI